I did not write in this blog lately. I changed some major components in my life related to pick up. Firstly, I dont update my approach diary anymore. In the first year, I was updating it everyday after approaches. Now, I dont have approach anxiety, and if the situtation is suitable, I can approach every girl. I dont claim Im good in pickup, though, I can say Im at intermediate level in indirect daygame. Im still not able to make direct approach. I made some comments on the girls dress or accessories giving compliments, but they were low level approaches, the girl and me walk at the same time, we are in the escalator in the mall etc.
In addition, I lost some weight and upgraded my wardrobe. I get occasional eye-contact from hot girls down to age of 20. In addition, I screen girls firstly before the approach. If they are not passing my filter I dont approach.Now I date a girl, she is 7, and 10 years younger than me. Though I have a girl for now, I dont want to make her my only one. I have to find another who is at least 7. I will go on sarging to find another girl.
• Getting physically better
• Upgrading the wardrobe and my style
• Improving my game in the last1,5 year of efforts
• Improving my inner game, aka confidence
First two goals are done. I am physically better and dress better than 90 % of people in my target group. Although, I can get better in these components, time and cost will be higher than the return. So preserving them is my goal from now on.
I guess improving game and inner game are much more important for now. Though they are subjective, they can be improved with time. For the game, I will attend a speaking course to imporve my voice and body language. I will go on to sarge to meet girls and talk to them.
I feel up and downs. If there is girl and I have something to do with friend, I feel high, if there is no girl, i feel alone and bad. This shows, my inner game is not strong. I should feel, when Im alone, I have ability to pick up a new girl.
My social life is to be improved. I now have only 1 close friend, apart from friends I see at the work in lunch times only. I dont want to see them after work, since they dont know game, and they are not open to learn it. In the beginning of this year I had a goal of making another friend. Until now, Im not successful. For the remaining months I will try to find another friend.
I dont attend a social club now, where I can find friends and make my conversational skills more. Im searching for now, I may return back to Toastmasters.
These are the developments in my life related to pick up.
I wake up every day at 7:00 am and leave home at 7:00. This means I have 30 minutes to prepare myself for the new day. I have a morning ritual for warming up myself both mentally and physically.
• Shower. Preferably finishing with cold water
• Teeth brushing and scraping the tongue
• Breakfast. At least 4 egg whites, muesli with yoghurt, fruits and water
• Stretching
I will add this routine, push-up, sit-up and squat exercises. In addition, I want to learn meditation and practice it in the morning or evenings. In addition I want to think about my goals for that day.
While I commute, I listen positive self-talks recorded by me before. After that, I read newspapers. When I am at work, I drink tea at around 9:00 am.
This is my basic morning ritual for now, and I will review it every month. I can change some of them with new ones.
I do want to track my weeks and days. For example, I will write down my goals and to do list for the coming week. Tracking something gives awareness about your activities and habits. Until june, I was tracking my approaches to girls, approach to close ratios etc. I gave up it, thanks to the laziness, and I thought there is no need for it, now Im lost in my approaches. I cant figure, whether Iprogress or not.
I believe in tracking the activities in your Daily life regarding your goals, and following rituals to support them are efficient to achive your goals in live.
I will write down my goals for the next week in Sunday nights and think about them in the morning as part of my morning routine.
“BRICKLAYING can be great, if a guy knows. If he knows what he’s doing and why and if he can make it come off. When I’m goin’, I mean, when I’m REALLY goin’ I feel like a… like a jockey must feel. He’s sittin’ on his horse, he’s got all that speed and that power underneath him… and he KNOWS… just feels… when to let it go and how much.” — Paul Newman, “The Hustler”
Women truly desire a man with passion. It is not uncommon for a woman to name it as the top priority in her man. That burning look in the eyes of a man who loves what he does. Women love that.
Why do women prioritize passion as one of the top qualities in the men. If a man is passionate on something, this means he has pursued his passion for a long time. He may love exercising, painting, running, travelling, connecting with people. This means he tries to be excellent on this specific skill. He has shiny eyes, he is happy person, and he has stable personality when the things in life go unexpected.
We all know women love confident man. A confident man is like an oak tree, he has not much up and downs in his mood. His personality is a safe harbour for the women who behave according to their emotions. We all know aloof man attract women like the honey attract bees. Passionate men have life energy, they wake up everyday like they are the most important person in the world. Women know that, if they have child and they are depressed, the man should be caring of her and the child. If the man has some kind of passion in his life, that means he will not be depressed easily. He will take care of her when she is depressed.
If this quality is so important, then what is my passion?
I love exercising. In the last five years, I didn’t quit exercising for more than 2 weeks. This means that I always followed a nutritional diet. Though, I don’t have six pack, I have fit body and I feel good. I randomly ask people to guess my age, and they tell me 5-7 years younger than my actual age. This is mainly related to the exercising which brings a discipline to my lifestyle.
I love travelling and meeting with different people, especially women. I don’t like hanging up with the same friends every time, though it has advantages as well. I sometimes go to holidays alone, and this gives me opportunity to talk with many people.
Knowledge is my passion. I like to read and learn everything. From psychology to history, every topic is interesting. I love reading on different topics, especially psychology. I like to watch people and analyze their personality. I like evolutionary psychology and anthropology too. Seeking knowledge and practicing this knowledge on real people make me excited.
I love chess. The feeling that my future is determined by my actions is good. I win, I was good, no luck was the factor. I fail, I wasn’t as good as the opponent.
There can be more to be written down in the future. These are my passions for the moment, and they take my most time.
I took a test to evaluate my personality type based on The Myers-Briggs test.
The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) assessment is a questionnaire designed to measure psychological preferences in how people perceive the world and make decisions. After the test, people are given assigned a letter according to the results of the test.
There are 4 pairs of preferences or dichotomies.
Extraversion (E) – (I) Introversion (Attitudes)
Sensing (S) – (N) Intuition (Functions)
Thinking (T) – (F) Feeling (Functions)
Judging (J) – (P) Perception (Lifestyle)
Point scores on each of the dichotomies can vary considerably from person to person, even among those with the same type. There are 16 personality types.
My Type Preferences is calculated as below.
Introvert(78%) Intuitive(50%) Thinking(38%) Judging(72%).
In summary, Im an INTJ. In MyersBrigs website INTJ is described as below.
INTJ
Have original minds and great drive for implementing their ideas and achieving their goals. Quickly see patterns in external events and develop long-range explanatory perspectives. When committed, organize a job and carry it through. Skeptical and independent, have high standards of competence and performance – for themselves and others.
When I think about myself, test results are meaningful. I get my energy from myself, not by talking and spending time with other people. I like to think about the theories behind the real life events, and conceptualize them easily. I like to think about systems and build systems.
There is no need to say, it shows my personality for now, it can change in future as I get older.
There is no true or false personality type in the end. It is good for everybody to know themselves such that they can use it in game. I strongly recommend this test to people who want to improve their social lives.
My approaches have become monotonous and I dont feel excitement as before. I reached a plateau. It affects my results as well in the last months. My approach to number ratio has dropped. I feel, I dont improve and progress. There are some reasons to feel like this.
- I sarged much to improve myself as quickly as possible. It was like a work, so it became monotonous activity. I started to forget fundementals such as warming up, learn something new from every interaction. It became an activity I do unconsciously. I sometimes forget, I am in the field for girls. It is not an activiy for spending time outside.
- Because I dont have any friend who knows game, and there is no PUA Liar where I live, I daygame always alone. Though I like to walk and spend time alone, my vibe fluctuates much. There is nobody who will motivate me to approach even if I dont want to approach. Sometimes I see some girls, especially if I am not warmed up, and I dont approach.
- I had dates from game, but no girl was relationship material. So I started to screen girls before the approach. I became more goal oriented. In daygame, If you are goal oriented, it makes you outcome dependent and girls feel it. It creeps them out.
- Until 1 year ago, I didnt initiate any conversation with girls by cold approaching. When I started cold approach, it was like revolution for me, I was feeling adrenaline. There was no limit. I was feeling I would get every gir l if I work hard. I continued to approach and I didnt get any girlfriend yet, and Im not in game for low quality pussies.
My solutions for the reasons of plateau are below.
- I will continue to sarge, but it will have some structure, such that I know what I do. Warm ups, talking with somebody every 15 minutes not to lose momentum, and feeling other approach dynamics. I will be in the field with my full brain and emotions, not like a plane with autopliot.
- I will find a wing. I found a guy here who knows game, though I didnt meet him before. I plan to sarge with a wing, though I will continue to sarge alone too. In addition, I started to write a blog and my goal is to spread it in manosphere, such that I will be able to talk with like-minded people from all around the world.
- Being outcome dependent is related with abundance mentality. Though I dont have girlfriend yet, I have tools and If I work hard, I will get one in the end. I am able to talk to girls, and by time it will be better and quality of girls will increase.
- I try new venues for approaching. Now I started to approach on the street. Until now, Im not able to get any number from street. Only 1 girl gave me her number, and she had approached me, not me. Later we went out. I try new methods on the street, by asking indirect question, I end with direct statement, commenting on their style, accent etc. Direct means more adrenaline. In the end, I want to open girls by complimenting.
In addition, I want to improve my conversation skills joining improv classes, speaking classes etc.
When I am alone, I am not busy or after something I did, I think about alot of things consciously or unconsciously. I guess, this is some kind of rumination. In general, how I think affects my overall mood. If I think positively, I feel better. If I think negatively, I feel worse. You see, how the way of thinking affects my overall mood and happiness. I believe in phrase “You are what you think”
In the last 2 weeks, I took notes about the negative thoughts that my mind is processing. These negative thoughts are below.
Negative Self-Talk
1.I wish I didnt do it (5 seconds after doing something. For example, If the girl is sitting and next seat is empty, I sit down to another chair. I say to myself, I wish I would sit down next to the girl)
2.I wish I could approach. (When girl pass by and I dont approach)
3.I feel tired, I dont have energy.
4.I feel sleepy.
5.There is no time.
6.I have many things to do, my job is exhausting.
7.My knee, my stomach, my head etc. is aching.
8.Shit. (While sleeping, alarm Works)
9.Where did this car come. (When Im at traffic, and some car in front of me goes slowly)
10.What a luck.
11.Fuck it!
12.You are persistent to go this way, right?(For the cars that block me to walk or drive)
13.I’m too old. I’m past my prime. I’m wasting my life.
14.I’m on the wrong track. I’ll never get married and have kids.
15.I’m not good enough.
16.I’m not interesting.
17.I’m socially awkward.
18.It’s wrong to show sexual interest in a woman.
19.It’s wrong to be attracted to women.
20.Relationships are difficult.
I will change these negative self talks with the new positive ones. I will not repeat negatives anymore, such that my mood will be better, I hope.
Positive Self-Talk
1.I am glad that I did it. (No regret for anything, just lessons taken from experience)
2.I am glad I saw this cute girl, next time will be better. (No regret for anything, just lessons taken from experience)
3.I feel good, I have energy, I am motivated.
4.Time is enough.
5.I feel good.
6.I love my job.
7.My body is healthy.
8.No negative self talk.
9.No negative self talk.
10.No negative self talk.
11.No negative self talk.
12.No negative self talk.
13.Im at my prime years.
14.I am on the right track.
15.I’m good enough.
16.I’m interesting.
17.I’m socially connected with people.
18.It’s good to show sexual interest in a woman.
19.It’s good to be attracted to women.
20.Relationships are easy.
In addition to them, I will record new positive affirmations and listen to them while I am commuting to the work or when I am available to listen to them. I am planning to classify them under specific titles such as, life, health, girls etc. In that way, when I go out to meet girls, I could listen to the affirmations only under the “Girls” title.
I am plannig to use these affirmations everyday, such that I would be able to change my inner thoughts and myself in short time. I hope I will see results in 1 month.
When I see girls outside, I would like to approach all of them. I know I cant approach all of them. There are many types of girls on Street, in the malls, in bookstores etc. I met many girls in these places. Some of them were not quality, and they consumed my energy. In order to save time, I have to screen out. Below are the main qualities of the girl that I am looking.
• Age between 18-30
• Beauty level higher than or equal to 7
• Feminine
• White skin
• She is from western part of the country
• There is no engagement ring or wedding ring
• Down to earth personality, she is not gold digger, dont have personality disorder
• At least 4 year university graduate
• Preferably works, student or looking for a job
These are the traits I will look before I apporach the girl in order to prevent wasting time in future.
Power of now is a book written by Echart Tolle that I read it recently. Mostly this book says that we should live in the moment, we should not think about the future or past. It will be solution for many problems in our lives and will make us more happier. Though, its a good think to live in the now, the book doesnt show how to do it.
Since Iam a single man and mostly spend my time alone, I have much time to think about the things, I am investigating about the thought process. When I am commuting to work, when I am grooming, when I am having dinner alone etc. I always think about the things in the past and the future. All people are like this. They are not at the moment, they are living deads.. They do something, but they are not even thinking about it. This thought process is called mind wandering by psychologists. For example, when I am shaving, its automatic process, I dont think about shaving but Im thinking about when to leave home, what to do at lunch time etc. Mostly I think about future. So, mind wandering is good or bad?
When I am on some task that needs concentration like reading a book, mind wandering is not good. When I am conversing with a girl its not good to think what to say next. Just living at the moment and feeling the power of now is good. Mostly, mindfulness is much better than mind wandering. It prevents skipping important points, making a mistake etc. It is achieved by fully concentrating on the activity. Meditation is one of the and the most important ways to learn concentration.
Mind wandering is causing bad mood mostly if you are not paying attention where the thoughts are going. The important thing is your inner voice should be mostly positive. If you are thinking about pleasantry moments in your life, while doing something tedious and boring,make people more happier. If you your mind have to wander think about positive things. Give yourself mostly encouragment, say “I am good”, not “How did I do this mistake”? If you wander on pleasantary things, your mood is better than if you do something boring without mind wandering.
On the other hand, mind wandering has advantages too. Finding a solution to the problem that is not solved, in analytical ways in unrelated time is common thing for all of us. Making priorities for the future while mind wandering is another thing I mostly do.
Finding the optimum balance for mind wandering and mindfulness is not easy. If I need reflections in my life, it can be done when washing dishes, grooming etc. Its important not to have bad thoughts when reflecting. Self talk should be positive. When it is appropriate time to mind wander, choosing topics that are useful and attractive is prefarable. If I catch myself mind wandering, and I dont want to concentrate on something, I would choose the topics. To be more concentrated is good and the best way is to meditate. Second method is meta-awareness, i.e. checking myself whether I am mind wandering or not. If i am doing, I can return to concentrated state.
“While the cultivation of mindfulness is likely to be useful, we should not seek to eliminatemind-wandering entirely from our lives, as itmay offer some unique benefits when carried out at the appropriate times.”
Rastov 